---
type: "article"
title: "I Have the Ambivalence of a Starving Donkey"
summary: "A donkey, a kettle, and the philosophy of not being able to choose between two identical things."
newsletter: "Midlife In Motion"
newsletter_handle: "midlife-in-motion"
newsletter_url: "https://midlife.joycestack.com/"
author: "Joyce Stack (@joycestack)"
published: "2026-08-17T08:37:22.329Z"
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markdown_url: "https://midlife.joycestack.com/a/CBkuDh4p.md"
chat_url: "https://midlife.joycestack.com/a/CBkuDh4p/chat"
body_source: "native"
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replies: 1
body_words: 495
---

# I Have the Ambivalence of a Starving Donkey

![Photo by Ansgar Scheffold on Unsplash](https://fmxorstnlyoqpqdftivs.supabase.co/storage/v1/object/public/article-images/4a011388-6557-4bae-89b7-a98a32a25720/81f9b0fe-3969-4037-8e1b-fc8f2a75a996/1786955783586-1vgrtjzb.jpg)

Buridan's Ass, so named after John Buridan (1300-1358),  was introduced to me while listening to [Seth Godin on Diary of A CEO ](https://open.spotify.com/episode/7IxzJwcoZrtLExKKDHEe57?si=IcHT50WEQ5SntZi-MVLgvQ)this last week.

(Have I been living under a rock? Should I know Seth Godin?)

This is a philosophical thought experiment:  a donkey stands between two bales of hay that are the same size and the same distance away. Will the donkey starve because it cannot decide between the bales of hay?

Seth Godin introduced this experiment. In the parable, the donkey would starve, incapable of deciding. Donkey has analysis paralysis.  He-haw, he-haw, always torn between the hay :-)

Think of a time when you've been in a shop and you are deciding between two identical products - same price, same functions.  How do you choose?  I am embarrassed to admit how much time I've spent on researching kettles only to find my flat came with a hot tap.

All of this got me thinking about my own ambivalence which seems to have gotten worse over the years (hormones I suspect). Many people see ambivalence as not caring when in fact its that you care, equally about either decision.

Often I am pulled between two different things, where moving towards one means moving away from the other. This means I remain stuck which looks like I can't make up my mind when in fact I simply have not admitted the trade-offs out loud.

Godin puts forward a small test to call out the trade-off using the **but test. **

*"I want X, but I want Y"* and we don't say the "but" bit out loud.  We bury it.

For example:  I want a new job **but** I value the stability.  The donkey is equidistant between security and challenging.

I want the familiarity of Ireland **but** I don't want to move home.

Man - I love me a framework.

The next test he introduced is the **and test.**

This is the trick that moves the decision into ownership and gives you some sense of control.

"I want X **and** I ....."

If you can find the "and" underneath each one it gives you something to own and work with.  Once it's an "and," you can look at it and go: do I actually want this? Godin's line in the podcast is: *"the and amplifies the work, but undercuts it."*

For example: I want to stop feeding the AI machine **AND** my most energized moments this year have all been building tools using AI.

**Closing**

I am not suggesting this is going to help you with the decisions that actually matter. It may help with kettle buying in the future.  That's the ceiling.

Who knows what happened to the donkey. Maybe he died or he exercised his free will and just picked a goddam bale of hay.  In the meantime, I'll be standing here, between two bales, working out what I actually want to admit out loud.

Post 3/100DaysToOffload

***

## Discussion (1 reply)

Numbering shows the reply tree: `2.1` is a reply to `2`. Message text is reproduced verbatim as posted.

### 1. Joyce Stack (@joycestack) - 2026-08-17T08:38:07.185Z

Some decisions aren't hard because you don't know what you want. They're hard because you want two things at once.